The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week – Huffington Post

The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s mighty tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.

*drunk texts boy at 1 a.m.*

*deletes texts in the morning*

me to me: I’m not able to discuss or confirm or deny nature of conversations

— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) June 13, 2017

Someone in the ad world realized that by publicly announcing you are pulling your ad you gather free publicity.

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) June 13, 2017

“This is a secret innuendo being leaked approximately me and I don’t appreciate it!” -Sessions, apparently refusing to say where the cookie tree is

— maura quint (@behindyourback) June 13, 2017

It’s easier to justify sleeping ten hours whether someone else is doing it right next to you

— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) June 14, 2017

Mr Sessions, on what date did you officially originate representing the Lollipop Guild

— Erin 🎶Gloria🎶 Ryan (@morninggloria) June 13, 2017

perhaps, possibly I’m a shrimp outmoded-fashioned but I just can’t orgasm until I’ve won a round of Mario Kart

— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) June 14, 2017

whether you’re getting interviewed in front of a bookshelf, you’re probably being upstaged by a bookshelf.

— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) June 14, 2017

Why are white men so excited? Is there a shortage of cargo shorts? Did recent Balance stop selling those whole white sneakers? Is golf now illegal?

— Awesomely Luvvie (@Luvvie) June 14, 2017

I’m going domestic for my high school reunion and I forgot to bring my iPhone charger or contain children.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) June 15, 2017

it’s a sparkling day to neglect your responsibilities

— Ziwe (@ziwe) June 10, 2017

person: your banana bread is astounding…what’s your secret ingredient?

me: depression

— Erica (@SCbchbum) June 15, 2017

I care for that my thighs contain a healthy, affectionate relationship and kiss up on each other whatever chance they gather. Forever honeymooning

— Bolu Babalola (@BeeBabs) June 15, 2017

Just sneezed my headphones off and I’m both embarrassed and impressed

— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) June 15, 2017

Problem is, spending $13.7 billion at Whole Foods only gets you one slightly used biological gluten free grape.

— Kashana (@kashanacauley) June 16, 2017

“That Don’t Oppress Me Much” by Sharia Twain

— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) June 10, 2017

should it be illegal to form me wear a bra in the summer? idk perhaps, possibly i consider we should at least contain the conversation

— Lily Weber (@ell_webz) June 14, 2017

“mother,” my children plead, “will you please expose us a bedtime tweet?” i laugh. “another? well, alright, perhaps, possibly just one more”

— Rachel Stromberg (@stromptious) June 15, 2017

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